Resilience in the face of change
Elizabeth Edwards
“She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails.”
We live in times of continual change. While technological advances have ushered in new ways of working and interacting and have gone some way to lessen the burden of restrictions and lockdowns, we are all experiencing large scale, disruptive change.
We didn’t choose it, we were not prepared for it, and we don’t know what the future holds.
In many respects, we are grieving the loss of the way life used to be.
What you need to know about change
Change is inevitable
There will always be some sort of change in our lives. From small, seemingly insignificant change to significant events such as the current global pandemic.
Change is often accompanied by some level of stress
Even if it is a positive change that you chose. For example, you may decide to start a family. Despite wanting to do so, having a child will require that many other things in your life change too, and this can be stressful.
Change is always an opportunity for personal growth
Change always teaches us something. The challenge lies in remaining open to what that growth might be.
We are better equipped to deal with change when we know how it affects us
When we understand our typical responses to change, we can choose healthy ways of coping with that change.
Responses to change
“We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed.” Viktor E. Frankl – Man’s Search for Meaning
Change affects us all differently. Here are some of the responses you might see in yourself or others when faced with unexpected and disruptive change:
Denial
Denial is how we protect ourselves from the first impact of loss. It is a natural and healthy early stage in the grieving process, if it doesn’t last too long.
Anger
Anger usually starts emerging when we can no longer live in denial and have to face the reality of our situation.
Bargaining
Bargaining is an attempt to make unrealistic attempts to get out of the situation or make it go away. During Covid lockdowns, people may try to bargain with the rules of the lockdown and social distancing.
Sadness
Sadness is a natural response to loss. It can be expresses as tears, but also as silence and fatigue.
Feeling Disoriented
Even well organised, focused people can experience feelings of being lost and confused and may become forgetful and distracted.
Depression
In dealing with the virus and the lockdown, the initial buzz and anticipation may have kept us moving forward and feeling positive about solving this problem. We shared jokes and funny videos. We posted our fitness goals on social media. Parents shared pictures of children doing homeschooling, and many of us tried to make sense of what was happening by connecting online and virtually.
As time goes on and the gravity of our situation sinks in, we may start to feel depressed. You may start feeling down, flat, or tired all the time. You may begin questioning when this will end. Like sadness, we cannot make depression go away. We need to go through it, not around it.
Each of us may experience some of these emotions and not others, and some of us will experience some feelings more intensely than others. The key is realising that these are normal responses to a massive and disruptive change. We need to have empathy and compassion for ourselves and others.
Wherever you are and whatever role, you can do the following five things to help yourself and others:
- Expect and accept the signs of grieving. Be supportive rather than critical of yourself and others.
- Label your emotions and help others label theirs. Research shows that people who can label their feelings are better able to deal with their emotions.
- Talk about what you believe you are losing and how you feel about that. Try to identify what will stay the same and not change. This gives us a sense of stability.
- Identify what you have control over and what you don’t have control over. When we focus on things that are outside of our control, our anxiety and overwhelm increases. Try to focus on what is within your circle of influence.
- I hope that you can adopt just one or two of these strategies so that you can step into your everyday brilliance in the face of unprecedented change and upheaval.
Further Reading:
Harvard Business Review, How Resilience Works
Start a Conversation
What changes have you experienced in the last year, and which of these phases did you experience?