We are not going to bounce back!
Robert Jordan, The Fires of Heaven
“The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it must and survived.”
In a recent article about COVID-19 in The Chronicle, Professor Aisha Ahmad, associate professor of political science at the University of Toronto, said:
“Among my academic colleagues and friends, I have observed a common response to the continuing COVID-19 crisis. They are fighting valiantly for a sense of normalcy – hustling to move courses online, maintaining strict writing schedules, creating Montessori schools at their kitchen tables. They hope to buckle down for a short stint until things get back to normal.
Yet as someone who has experience with crises around the world, what I see behind this scramble for productivity is a perilous assumption. The answer to the question everyone is asking – “When will this be over?” – is simple and obvious, yet terribly hard to accept. The answer is never.”
Professor Ahmad’s answer reminds me of one of the critical things I have learned about resilience. Resilience is often compared to elasticity and ‘bouncing back.’ This analogy suggests that we recover and go back to who we were before adversity, or a trauma or a loss. But we don’t. We are never really the same. We don’t go back to being who we were.
What’s done cannot be undone
“Life’s reality is that we cannot bounce back. We cannot bounce back because we cannot go back in time to the people we used to be. What’s done cannot be undone.” – Eric Greitens
On the face of it, this sounds negative, and yes, this implies loss. But at the core, there is a positive spin. When we experience adversity, we have an opportunity to grow – even if there are ‘growing pains’ in the process. The idea of ‘bouncing back’ is a physics analogy that doesn’t take into account the human capacity to change and develop.
“What happens to us becomes part of us. Resilient people do not bounce back from hard experience; they find healthy ways to integrate them into their lives.” – Eric Greitens
This idea resonates with me. It means that instead of wishing things could be the way they used to be and hoping I will ‘bounce back’ soon, I have to accept that things will never be the same again. Instead of using time and energy ruminating about when this will be over, and how I can get back to how things were, I should spend my energy on the following:
How is this asking me to rise - bounce UP instead of BACK?
How can I contribute?
What is the opportunity for growth?
Resilience is not the same as endurance
Endurance is about coping, surviving, ‘toughening up’ against hardship, stamina, and staying power. There are many inspiring examples of people who have shown extraordinary perseverance through extreme conditions. While endurance requires resilience, the two are not the same.
Endurance is building a fortress. It is about becoming HARDER and more durable.
Resilience is flowing like a river. It is about becoming STRONGER in a more FLEXIBLE way.
“You need to be able to flow with the currents, not cling to the sides.” – Claire Breeze
Our world requires us to become stronger now, not harder. More flexible, not more rigid.